Saturday, December 11, 2010

Because I Can't Afford Therapy...

I'm relaunching the blog (yes, again...whatever.) This time I think I'm going to attempt to say what's on my mind without censoring myself much (within reason, of course.) It has been an incredibly crappy year and I'm stressed nearly to my breaking point, and extremely tired of tiptoeing around other people's feelings when so very few give a damn about mine. I mean, I had 2 surgeries in 3 months' time this year, and in the first a device was implanted into my chest & they used a metal tool to tunnel up my neck to make a path to insert the wires that are wrapped around a major nerve...How many people stopped by to check on us, see if Cordy needed help w/the kids, drop off a meal, I dunno'...see if I was dead? NONE. Got a few phone calls, but everyone was too busy. I do understand that everyone has their own families, jobs, responsibilities & lives, but when did it become too hard to take a little bit of time out to show someone that they are worthy of your time-beyond just a phone call? Honestly, it seems like I had more real/true friends when I was "Bitchy" Alyssa-meaner/more obnoxious, less worried about hurting people's feelings. Oddly enough, these are also the friends who have stuck with me through the years, while the newer "friends" have faded in & out when it's convenient for them. Perhaps mellower me just invites being walked on?

Well, I've had more than enough. I'm not in high school anymore & am not going to play "She said you said" or "She said you did" games. I'm tired of counting on people when they say they're going to do something, and they consistently don't do it...and it really pisses me off when it's something concerning my children. Absolutely do NOT tell my children you want to do something for them/with them, if you aren't going to follow through-it hurts them all the more because they don't understand your reason/excuse, and it makes my head want to explode (or make your head explode) that you keep disappointing my children and are completely oblivious to it. I'm so very close to just shutting off my brain-to-mouth filter completely when dealing with everyone except children. Hell, I have neurological issues & that can actually be a side effect, so you freakin' people would never know if it was from my health issues or just my personality.

Here's the deal: I'm going to post all kinds of crap on this blog. Good stuff, bad stuff, meh stuff, probably the occasional contest. But know this-This is my blog. It is my place to write what I need to get out, when I need to get it out. I won't use names unless I have permission (because I'm cool like that) but that doesn't mean you won't recognize yourself/others won't recognize you in my maniacal rantings. Deal with it, or don't read.